A Boost of Confidence

When the times get tough, the tough get going! This phrase alone sets apart those who succumb to internal fears from those who choose to keep moving forward, gaining success. When it becomes more difficult for us to achieve our personal and professional goals, we tend to lose our self confidence. Underlying fears set in, usually followed by self-doubt and self-blame.

Fear is natural and human. Back in the day of the Stone Age, it was fear that kept us alive. Today, our reptilian brain continues to function and often impedes our ability to stretch boundaries and welcome changes in our lives. It is these underlying feelings of fear that influence our confidence.

What would you do and what would you achieve without fear?

Reality dictates that fear exists and it will continue to influence our thoughts and actions. Therefore, let’s learn to utilize it to our advantage, instead of succumbing to it. Boosting our confidence will engage the logical part of our brain and help keep our fears in check.

Try a dose of positive psychology with these confidence boosters …

Create a wins journal. Focus on all your accomplishments to date by creating a list of everything you are grateful for, appreciate and have accomplished in your life. At the end of each day, add that day’s ‘wins’ to your list. When we focus on the positive we outsmart the negative. Review your list regularly for a boost of confidence!

Change your language. Instead of saying “I can’t”, find a way to say “I can”. Focus on what is in your control and within your ability to accomplish. Tap into your strengths instead of wallowing in your challenges.

Take charge. Are you blaming someone else for your lack of confidence? Perhaps you’ve spent a good portion of your life trying to live up to someone else’s expectations and haven’t quite succeeded. Well there’s a surprise! They weren’t your expectations to begin with. Take charge of your life and your destiny by creating your own life vision. Then design a strategy to achieve your goals.

Practice creative thinking. Sometimes we fail. However, this does not imply that we are failures. Many very successful individuals failed many times, only to re-shift, re-adjust, re-focus, and re-energize to try again. Engage your creative thinking. When there’s a stumbling block in your path … how are you going to get around it? What if “I can’t” was not an option?

Love yourself. What do you think about the person in the mirror? It’s time to quell any negative self thinking or self talk. Self-focused negativity will certainly sabotage your confidence and will not support your efforts. Look at yourself in the mirror and point out everything you like about yourself. Add something new to your list every day. Keep going until the day you see an amazing individual staring back at you.

I look forward to reading your comments, stories and ‘wins’ of the day! Thank you in advance for sharing.

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If your business or personal growth is being negatively affected by a lack of confidence, perhaps it’s time to reach out for support. I would be delighted to work with you and explore confidence building techniques and strategies that will work perfectly for you. Please contact me directly at ulana@clarity-works.com to reserve your complimentary coaching session.

Ulana Chabursky, Business & Personal Growth Coach

Together, let’s unleash the confidence within you!

How to Mingle in a Room of Strangers

Networking is a key ingredient in growing your business, and learning how to work a room successfully is a valuable skill in today’s global economy. It is also a valuable skill for building personal relationships, and it’s much more fun to mingle than to stand alone in a corner during a party.

Let’s begin with shifting our perception of strangers. If you consider that strangers are merely friends you haven’t met yet, then the prospect of engaging a stranger in conversation doesn’t seem so frightening.

Strangers are friends we haven't met yet!

Try the following tips and see what happens:

Find a common connection. Discussing how you’re connected to the event or the host is an easy way to start a conversation. It also invites someone you’ve never met before to open up and feel comfortable around you.  

• Have you attended this conference before?
• How do you know the host/hostess?
• What brings you to this event?

Pay a compliment. Everyone likes to be acknowledged and admired. Following an introduction, notice something you like about the other person. Perhaps it’s a stylish tie or unique pair of earrings. Continue the conversation by asking where the person acquired it. This shows you are genuinely interested in getting to know them better.

• I couldn’t help notice your pendant … it’s absolutely stunning! Where did you get it?
• By the way, you have excellent taste … I was admiring your tie. May I ask where you bought it?
• I love your shoes! Where did you find them?

Explore interests. Asking questions about what someone enjoys doing outside of work opens many areas of conversation. Generally, we like talking about ourselves and we tend to love talking about what we enjoy most in life. You may learn that they love their work or they may share their personal interests. Either way you will learn a lot about them.

• What do you enjoy doing when you’re not working?
• Have you visited any interesting places lately?
• How do you celebrate all your hard work?

Find a buddy. You very well may not be the only newcomer in this group. Scope out other “newbies”. Then join forces to meet others. Finding a buddy will ease the discomfort of feeling isolated and out of place. It may also help bring out the socializer in you.

• Hi, my name is Ulana! Are you new to this group, too?
• Hello, are you here by yourself? By the way, my name is Ulana …
• Hi, my name is Ulana! I’m here by myself, may I join you?

Be honest and introduce yourself. Ok, so maybe you are the only newcomer to this group and everyone else is engaged in conversations. Don’t let that prevent you from stepping up, waiting for a lull in the chit chat and introducing yourself. Let them know that you don’t know anyone and would love the opportunity to get to know them. Your sincerity and courage will surely be admired and someone will take you under their wing to continue introducing you to the rest of the group.

• Hi, my name is Ulana! I’m new to this group and I’d love the opportunity to get to know you better.
• Hi, I couldn’t help notice how much fun you seem to be having … my name is Ulana.
• Hello, my name is Ulana … may I join your conversation?

I would love to hear your feedback and your mingling adventures or challenges. Please don’t hesitate to share your comments. 

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If your business or personal growth is being negatively affected by a lack of networking skills and strategies, perhaps it’s time to reach out for support. I would be delighted to work with you and explore networking techniques that will work perfectly for you. Please contact me directly at ulana@clarity-works.com to reserve your complimentary coaching session focused on networking.

Ulana Chabursky, Business & Personal Growth Coach

Together, let’s unleash the networker from within you!

Happy Anniversary!

This August 30th, my husband and I are celebrating our 23rd wedding anniversary. We are best friends, lovers, parents, life partners as well as business partners … and it works! Together, we have celebrated many successes and overcame some difficult challenges. Our journey continues with a toolkit of valuable life skills.

If you happen to be married to your business partner, the following tips will help ensure a happy and fulfilling relationship:

1) Clearly define your roles in the business … Who takes the lead on what? And, who is responsible for what?

Why? Because this avoids unnecessary confusion & misunderstandings which may lead to further disagreements, stress & arguments.

2) Understand and agree on your ‘partnership’ … are you equal partners or is there a hierarchy in your company? Is one role strictly support? Is one role perceived as less important/valuable than the other? Are both partners in agreement with this perception?

Why? Because this avoids fueling potential resentments.

3) Appreciate & celebrate each other’s hard work and efforts … don’t take each other for granted in your business environment in the same way you don’t take each other for granted in your personal relationship.

Why? Because these steps are part of a healthy, happy & successful business partnership and personal relationship.

4) Have regular ‘check-in’ meetings to share personal feelings, goals and insights. Are you on the same page? Do you need to make any adjustments?

Why? This keeps the communication channels open to explore self-awareness and potential concerns.

5) Resolve all business misunderstandings/disagreements before they spill into your personal life.

Why? Because this avoids mixing business stresses with your personal relationship.

6) Ensure that your business relationship does not dominate your personal relationship. Regularly spend quality time discussing everything, but ‘business’!

Why? Because this prevents your relationship from becoming one-dimensional. In all likelihood, you didn’t fall in-love and get married for the sole purpose of running a business together.

Happy Anniversary to all you August love birds! What are your personal best tips for nurturing a life partnership?

A Special Invitation …

• Isn’t it time to create the life you want?
• Isn’t it time to catch your dreams
    instead of chasing them?
• What would you be doing now
    if you knew you could not fail?

Working with a ClarityWorks coach will help you transform your life by realizing your true potential and unleashing the greatness from within you.

Take the first step to living your dream by calling us and booking a complimentary coaching session:

Toronto:  416-232-0681          San Diego:  858-672-8706

For more information about ClarityWorks, please visit www.clarity-works.com

Are You Listening?

Listening is a powerful skill which most of us tend to take for granted. Listening is different from hearing and requires practice.  We “hear” sounds. We “listen” to understand what the speaker is saying, what they are feeling and to pay attention to what is being said beneath the words.

The highest form of attentive listening.

As a professional coach, I strive every day to improve my listening skills so that I am able to truly “tune in” to my clients needs. Every individual who interacts with others can significantly strengthen both professional and personal relationships by improving their listening skills,  Why? Because, “the most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood … the best way to understand people is to listen to them.” – Ralph Nichols

The month of March is dedicated to celebrating International Listening Awareness. I encourage you to sharpen your listening skills by regularly practicing these helpful techniques …

• Avoid interrupting
• Keep an open mind
• Suspend judgments
• Refrain from making assumptions
• Respect the speaker’s personal space
• Give appropriate eye contact
• Be patient and understanding
• Listen for underlying feelings and subtle messages
• Avoid completing the speaker’s sentences
• Take notes when helpful
• Shut out distractions & focus on what the speaker is saying
• Use interjections to let the speaker know you’re  “tuned in”
• Focus on the speaker’s intentions and not your own

The International Listening Association promotes the study, development, and teaching of listening and the practice of effective listening skills. A wonderful resource for listening tips and techniques is their website, at www.listen.org .

Two ears ... one mouth!

In closing, always keep in mind … “We have two ears and one mouth so we can listen twice as much as we talk.”

Taking a Moment to Acknowledge My Biggest Supporters

“We are each of us angels with only one wing, and we can only fly by embracing one another”

I would not be the person I am today without the support and encouragement of my family, friends, colleagues and clients. Recently, a personal loss has reminded me of their unconditional love, compassion and understanding.

Thank you for reaching out to me, sharing warm thoughts, drying my tears, helping me find joy, and giving me the strength to move on. In times of celebration and in times of sadness you are always there for me. With your support I am able to soar to new heights!

Celebrating the Circle of Life

One of dad's favorite places

Last night I received the dreaded phone call that we all anticipate at some point in our lives. Today I began the process of making the final arrangements to say farewell to my father for the last time. My grandparents have long passed and my mother has been gone for many years as well. I believe my father is being welcomed with warm and loving embraces from my mother who he has wanted to join in the spiritual world since she left us 18 years ago.

I don’t feel jovial and I don’t feel terribly sad. Instead, I see my father surrounded by familiar smiling faces and I can’t help but think that life’s path has once again shifted direction to where everything is as it should be.

As I continue to reflect, I want to celebrate his life … remember his words of wisdom and undying patriotism. Remember his passion for history and literature. Remember his expressive stories about his life experiences and many adventures. Remember his artistic talents and devotion to faith. Remember his love for the mountains and climbing to the tallest peeks of the High Sierra’s. And also, remember his determination to challenge me to stretch my boundaries …

I certainly stretched my boundaries and challenged him right back. We didn’t always see eye-to-eye and I haven’t always appreciated his words of wisdom. I questioned his opinions and rebelled against his discipline. We agreed to disagree many times.

I will miss my father, and with joyful tears of celebration I bid him farewell … I love you dad … and be sure to give my love to mom!

Is It Too Late to Make New Year’s Resolutions In February?

I’ve been attempting to write my next blog for over a month now and have realized that instead of beating myself up for it, I can share with you a perfect example of taking on more than I was able to accomplish …

Many of us welcome the New Year with resolutions and have every intention to successfully achieve our goals. Then, life happens! Day after day we get farther behind in working toward our goals and we begin to feel disillusioned.

This leads me to share with you 10 wonderful resolutions to help you tone your mind, body and soul. And here’s the best part … these resolutions are easy to keep, and you can start implementing them any time you like.
 
1) Take it one step at a time – stop beating yourself up for not getting done everything you planned to do. Instead, break down your goals into smaller, more achievable pieces.
 
2) Stretch twice a day – stretching melts away stress and tension. Roll your neck, touch your toes, reach your arms up to the ceiling, alternate between arching and rounding your back and don’t forget to add three deep breaths … you’ll feel refreshed in no time.

3) Go for a walk – if a hectic schedule has kept you away from the gym and you’re falling behind on your exercise program, go for a brisk 30 minute walk during lunch.

4) Call a friend – connecting with friends on a regular basis gives us a strong sense of belonging. If you haven’t had a night out with the guys/gals, it’s time to get back in touch.

5) Take a nap – we are quickly becoming a sleep deprived society. If you’re having a hard time concentrating on a task then take a quick snooze. A mid afternoon nap will help boost your alertness, memory and replenish your energy.

6) Visit your doctor – aside from scheduling a yearly physical, pay attention to how you feel physically and emotionally on a daily basis. If something doesn’t feel right, don’t delay and talk to your doctor.

7) Enjoy a healthy sex life – a healthy body means a healthy libido. Chill the wine, light the candles and enjoy intimacy with your partner regularly.
 
8) Turn off the TV – instead of vegging on the couch watching television, unwind with a novel, pick up a new hobby or enroll in an online course that interests you.

9) Eat well – stop yo-yoing with the latest diets. Instead, adopt a healthier, well balanced nutritional mindset, including a diet enriched with plenty of fruits and vegetables.
 
10) Celebrate you – make a point to celebrate even the smallest accomplishments on a daily and weekly basis. You deserve it!

Looking For the Perfect-Tasker

What do you value more … the quality of your work or getting the job done?

Does the word “perfectionist” ring a bell? How about “multi-tasker”? Chances are, you know someone who clearly fits into one of these categories. You either completely relate to them or they drive you crazy. And what if that someone is you?

For those of us who fall into the ‘perfectionist’ category, we drive ourselves to exhaustion perfecting the quality of everything we do. When we see the imminent deadline looming around the corner, our stress level goes through the roof; however, it is impossible for us to conceive of completing a less than perfect ‘thing’.  So inevitably we fall behind schedule. We will then make excuses for taking longer and justify our reasoning by priding ourselves on the fabulous quality of our work.

Those of us who fall into the ‘multi-tasking’ guru’s category feel we are wasting time if we are not multi-tasking. For us meeting the deadline is not enough, we need to complete our work ahead of schedule. And, not just meet the deadline ahead of schedule, but complete five extra tasks at the same time.

Is either attribute productive, and is it possible to mesh the two for a healthier, more effective and efficient characteristic? Let’s explore further …

Perfectionists tend to focus on the minutia of every detail, of every aspect, of every project they’re involved in. They succumb to micromanaging projects. They are extremely critical of themselves and therefore others. In their minds, if they are not doing the work themselves it cannot possibly be done to their exceptionally high standards. They certainly dot every ‘i’ and cross every ‘t’, but to what or whose detriment? If you suffer from extreme perfectionism you will miss the big picture, overlook other options and possibilities, obsess over insignificant details, lose spontaneity, have difficulty appreciating efforts, and fail to celebrate the finished product because it will never be good enough. How stressful & unfulfilling this must be!

Multi-taskers tend to juggle as many projects as possible in any given time. It is not accurate to accuse a multi-tasker of being unfocused since they are extremely focused on 10 different things at the same time. Is this even possible? Apparently, multitasking is a misnomer, since the brain is not able to focus on two tasks at once. When you try, a kind of bottleneck occurs in your brain and you become less efficient than if you were to finish one task before starting another. However, proud multi-taskers will disagree with this statement. Besides, it is more important to finish the work than worry about all the details! Unfortunately, sometimes details do matter and an extreme multi-tasker will lose sight of things falling through the cracks, appear sloppy or uncaring and spend more time redoing or revising tasks because they were not finished correctly. Lastly, they may forget to smell the roses because they are too busy watering, pruning and planting other flowers at the same time.

It is my opinion that neither perfectionist nor multi-tasker is a productive attribute independent of each other. And taken to an extreme, both can be unhealthy, ineffective and inefficient characteristics. However, if we find a way to effectively mesh the two we may have an amazing quality, the Perfect-Tasker!

Please share your experiences with perfectionism or multi-tasking. Does it work for you? What challenges have you encountered? Have you discovered the path to becoming a Perfect-Tasker? … we will discuss this path in an upcoming blog …

Chatting With Presence

What does it really mean to listen? Have you ever been chatting with someone and feeling completely ignored at the same time? Have you ever ‘dozed off’ in the middle of someone’s story?

I think we have all experienced both scenarios, more than once and probably many more times than we’d like to admit. So how do we avoid ‘dozing off’ in the middle of a conversation? We do so, by practicing being ‘present’ in the conversation. Not just physically present, but emotionally present as well.

Use the following techniques the next time you are chatting with your best friend, colleague, neighbor or family member and observe what you hear:

• Stop talking
• Remove distractions
• Suspend all judgments
• Avoid interrupting
• Maintain eye contact
• Choose a curious mindset
• Interject verbal cues (to let the speaker know you are still listening)
• Ask clarifying questions (to be sure you heard correctly)
• Notice non-verbal language
• Use your intuition (that feeling you get)
• Allow time for thought (pauses in conversation are important)
• Acknowledge the speaker’s feelings
• Show empathy

Share your observations by posting a comment. What else happened during your conversation? How did the speaker react to your new listening approach?